Immodestly, the list of things I do passably well is long; growing facial hair is not on that list. That's on the other, longer list of things I am embarrassingly pitifully bad at. Happily, as I age, I find that my face follicles have filled in some spots that couldn't sprout an hour's worth of peach mold when I was younger. Unhappily, it's mostly gray now. Here's a photo of how I look after a few days' growth:
Just kidding! That's way too lush and dark and ruggedly handsome. In all honestly, here's how I really look:
Just kidding again! I wish I could grow a beard so luxuriant and macho. Sadly, I think I could quit shaving for years and not end up looking one-twelfth that manly. This is how I truly look, for real this time:
No kidding, that's really me. Took that picture just this morning.
I'll be waiting for you when you get home, honey!