Stop Hitting Your Sister with a Giant Lollipop While She's Sitting on the Toilet

The three videos below have been all over the Internet lately, but as a service to you I've gathered them all in one place. You're welcome.

As related in this article, "Convos with My 2-Year-Old" got started when filmmaker/musician Matthew Clarke was talking to his toddler daughter Coco, "stepped outside it for a second and thought, If she was 3 feet taller, this would be completely unacceptable." These short films play out that premise by re-enacting conversations between Clarke and Coco, but with the child replaced by a grown man. The substitution really hits how self-centered, creepy, and downright psychotic a 2-year-old kid is. Good thing they're so darn cute.

Clarke was surprised his videos went viral, with hits in the millions. I'm not surprised. As Clarke himself analyzed, "It’s concise. A simple but clear concept. It doesn’t take a lot of investment to understand what’s going on." Their beauty is their universality. Anyone who's spent time with a child has confronted the futility of reason, the absurdity of thinking you're going to "win" or should even be competing. The videos also hit the old reliable "kids say the darnedest things" button. If they were comic strips, they'd be hanging on a million refrigerators.

BTW, today's post title is something I actually yelled once, after which I immediately realized how ridiculous I was. As a father of two former two year olds (simultaneously!), I offer you "Convos with My 2-Year-Old" as a window into my past. Worth a few minutes of your time, I think. Clarke promises more to come.