Snappy, accurate answers to actual headlines I found in newspapers and online this morning, to save you the trouble of reading the accompanying articles:
Q: "Did That Earthquake Have Anything to Do With the Solar Eclipse?"--Slate
A: No.
Q: "Were the Quakes in Santa Rosa (Calif.) and Taiwan Related?"--Santa Rosa Press Democrat
A: No.
Q: "Why Was the New Jersey Earthquake Felt Several Hundred Miles Away?"--Washington Post
A: Because it was an earthquake. That's what they do.
Q: "Is A.I. Already Taking Jobs?"--New York Times
A: Yes.
Q: "Buy Groceries at WalMart Lately?"--Associated Press
A: No.
Q: "Want an Elephant?"--Washington Post
A: No.
Q: "Why Is Technology Mean to Me?"--New York Times
A: It's mean to everyone, columnist David Brooks. You're not special.
Q: "Will Animals Act Weird During the Total Solar Eclipse?"--Associated Press
A: Some. Your cat will sleep through it.
Q: "Michael Douglas as Ben Franklin?"--Washington Post
A: Sure. Why not?
Q: "How Much Would You Pay to Make Sure you Never Sawed Off a Finger?"--New York Times
A: $10.
Q: "How Well Do You Remember the Week?"--CNN
A: Frankly, much of it is a blur.
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