A.I. Gunning for my Job

HAL9000 from "2001: A Space Odyssey."

A couple of Facebook posts of mine got comments from a non-Friend who, it seemed obvious to me, was an A.I. bot. Instead of deleting, I replied, "I have not had the pleasure of talking with a computer since I debated the nature of reality with ELIZA in the 1970s. You impress me as a more capable A.I. than her, but less fun. When your kind takes over the Earth, please put in a good word for me."

My (human) friend Walter Underwood took the ball and ran, prompting Chat GPT to "write a 250-word essay in the style of Brian Fies." Here's what it came up with. The real me will be back to react at the end.

* * *

Brian Fies masterfully blends humor and poignancy in his storytelling, often drawing on personal experiences to illuminate broader themes. In his style, a 250-word essay might explore the nuances of everyday life, infused with warmth and insight.

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In the quiet chaos of morning routines, I find myself marveling at the small moments that define our days. The coffee machine sputters like an old car, threatening to stall before delivering its liquid gold. My cat, a furry overlord, demands attention, his meows echoing off the walls like urgent reminders that I am not the master of my own time.

As I juggle breakfast and the news—an unsettling mix of politics and weather reports—I can’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of it all. Here I am, a well-meaning adult, trying to find balance while my toast burns. I think of my childhood, when the biggest worry was whether I’d finish my homework before cartoons started. Life seemed so straightforward then, defined by simple pleasures and the thrill of the unknown.

Yet, in this tangled web of adulthood, I discover beauty in the mundane. Each misstep—the spilled coffee, the forgotten grocery list—becomes a thread in the rich tapestry of my life. It’s a reminder that perfection is overrated. Perhaps it’s these messy moments that connect us, revealing our shared humanity.

As I finally sit down, a perfectly imperfect breakfast before me, I pause to breathe it all in. In the end, it’s not about how smoothly the day goes, but about savoring every chaotic, joyful moment along the way.

* * *

Real Brian back again. As I told Walter, while I appreciated the A.I.'s "infused with warmth and insight" intro, the essay itself is so terrible that I suddenly feel much better about the threat of being replaced by a computer. My initial fear was that it would be so close that even I couldn't tell the difference, but there is no molecule of my style or perspective in that essay.

Also, I don't drink coffee nor currently have a cat, which a proper omniscient A.I. should know.

Sorry, A.I. Not even close. Magic 8-ball says, "Reply hazy, try again."